shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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