Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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