She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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