i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
