a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
