There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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