So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
