I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
