Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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