oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
