stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
