last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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