i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
