I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
