you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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