I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
