Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can text with my tongue
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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