Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
