I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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