she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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