And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
