Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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