Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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