i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
