Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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