i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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