So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
