Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
