I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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