i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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