What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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