uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
