Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
