I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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