It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
