I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Randomize
