I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
