I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Someone came in the potted fern
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
