So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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