I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i believe in u and ur pee
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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