Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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