What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
