I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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