I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
