my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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