He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
