She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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