That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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