she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
