his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
