i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
