i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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