drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize