I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
