its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
