Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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