did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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