You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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