I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Everything about him screamed your future.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
