we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
3pm strippers are depressing
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
