Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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