I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
