I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize