Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
