hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
