Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
