Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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