So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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