Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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