I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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