Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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