Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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