omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
