Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
