I wish I could teleport
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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