you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
