So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
