okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I died a long time ago.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
