she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize