Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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