no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
