Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
