Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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