ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
