who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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