The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
