i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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