i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
