ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Success! We fucked roommates!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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