The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize