Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Someone came in the potted fern
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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