Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
