I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
