smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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