My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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