so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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