remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize