well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
