Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
