I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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