So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
